"It's madness that we are constantly searching for Love, yet running from God."
so... here's the thing.
i was reading a friend's blog tonight and it struck a cord in my heart. maybe it is time i stop living for myself and start living for God. i know the difference between right and wrong, yet when that little voice in the back of my mind whispers "don't do it" i only hesitate shortly before heading in the direction that i know is wrong.
ever since jeremy's affair three months ago i have been searching for something... ehh, someone to fill that empty hole inside of me. i know better. i really do. should you choose to believe me or not. i know that what i am doing is wrong; morally, emotionally, and all that. it's just that at the time, i honestly think it will make me feel better. the crazy thing though... is once i realize what i have done... i feel worse. this guy (whomever he may be) is NOT jeremy. and being with him doesn't "get back" at jeremy for what he did to me... in actuality, it makes the hole even BIGGER!!
ludicrous!!! I know this! have learned this countless times now! yet i STILL KEEP DOING IT!!! explain this to me... someone please!!!
i am lonely. we ALL get that. but it only gets worse. everything reminds me of him... EVERYTHING.. everyday.. ALLDAY! its madness!!! songs on the radio, trucks driving on the street, restaurants, hell even my bestie's new boyfriends name!!! UGH!!!! enough already! and then i do silly.stupid.dumb.irresponsible things.... ask me if i feel better...... NOPE!
possibly...hopefully... i make the choice to change before it is too late and i continue to make decisions that i wind up regretting in the morning. cross your fingers...please
1 comment:
My sweet sister God is only trying to show us all That HE IS ENOUGH. He will allow us whatever trials by fire necessary to draw us in to himself. He misses you like you miss Jeremy.
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