WHOEVER SAiD SiLENCE iS GOLDEN..?

"Spiteful words can hurt your feelings, but silence breaks your heart."

well... my birthday has come and gone with bells and whistles. when asked by my bestie what i wanted for my birthday...

 i replied: "only one thing"

bestie: "what"

me: "i want jeremy to call me."

bestie: "but why?"

me: "because he didn't call on my graduation and it broke my heart. i just want to know that he is thinking about me. silly i know. but thats all i want"

sure enough thursday june 19th 11 in the morning and my phone rings... pulling it out of my pocket and opening the flip phone without looking, i am shocked when i hear his voice on the other end. 

it was a short and sweet conversations. with the usual "how are yous" and "im fines". followed by "hows your family" and "hows your week going".  exactly what i needed to start heading in the "closure" direction. our last conversation left me feeling emptier than i have in a awhile and crushed... i had this sense of unfinished business and i feel like i cannot fully move forward until i have the closure that i need.... i feel like this conversation was heading in that direction.

me: "im shocked you called me... i didn't think you were going to remember"

jeremy: "im full of surprises"

me: rudely sarcastic "Yeah thats for sure! but is not always a good thing."

we continued on talking about our jobs and busy weeks ahead. then.... the heartbreaking point. he tells me he is moving to Utah in two weeks...... WHAT? why why why? because he has a job at a venue lined up. isn't that just dandy. lucky jeremy is getting EXACTLY THE LIFE HE HAS ALWAYS WANTED. while i suffer through 74 hours of work 7 days a week just so i can get my mind of him. ridiculous. why does he... the sinner... the man that broke my heart, and ended our marriage, get everything he has wanted? why is life going soooo perfectly close to plan for him? how is that fair? why can't he walk a mile in my shoes for once. see what its like to suffer from his decision. because obviously im the only one that is...

i tried posting a post last week sometime and for some reason it wasn't letting me post... " invalid HTML" whatever the heck that means... but maybe its for the best... it wasn't necessarily filled with nice words... ill try again once more after this post.. then im giving up.