when your ears are open.

"What fault did your fathers find in me, that they strayed so far from me? They followed worthless idols and became worthless themselves. They did not ask, 'Where is the Lord, who brought us up out of Egypt and led us through the barren wilderness.'.... 'Your wickedness will punish you; your backsliding will rebuke you. Consider then and realize how evil and bitter it is for you when you forsake the Lord your God and have no awe of me' declares the Lord Almighty.... Indeed, on every high hill and under every spreading tree you lay down as a prostitute. I had planted you like a choice vine of sound and reliable stock. How then did you turn against me into a corrupt, wild vine? Although you wash yourself with soda and use an abundance of soap, the stain of your guilt is still before me, declares the Sovereign Lord... Yet when they are introuble, they say 'Come and save us!' Where then are the gods you made for yourself? For you have as many gods as you have towns.... Even the worst of women can learn from your ways." ~Jeremiah 2

he is working in my life yet again. God, what an amazing man. He has been demonstrating His power and His will all over my life lately. last night after Theresa and i went for a walk we began to talk about God. we always wind up on some tangent or another that leads us to Him. i forget who or what we were talking about... o wait... the Devil and his bag of tricks... anywho. so we were talking and then we wound up reading the Bible together. and syncroninously (sp?) she read me Jeremiah chapter 2. and boy o boy was God speaking to me, LOUDLY!!!



for months i have been interested in getting to know the Bible and the chapters that i was not taught in my 13 years of Catholic school. Jeremiah is one of those chapters. i have felt God telling me to read that chapter to. everytime i open the Bible i turn right to Jeremiah chapter 2 and i always refuse to read it because the name reminds me of jeremy. and every time i feel compelled to open and read, this little voice inside me tells me to read Jeremiah and i turn to it and then imediately flip away. but last night i was not the one holding the Bible. Theresa said she wanted to read me something that would change my mind and really speak to me. we were talking about my harlots heart. and how guilty i feel at the love God has shown me, inspite of my past. and at times i feel like i don't deserve it. Theresa stopped me in my tracks and said... "don't say that about yourself. you didn't deserve what jeremy did to you. you deserve the best and i don't want to hear you say that about yourself. let me read you something." and she opened Jeremiah 2 and began reading. part of the way through she stopped and explained that i am Israel and that the world and society and flesh are Egypt. she continued reading... and my heart sank. its like chapter 2 was written directly to me. i wanted to cry and i wanted to stop her. i wanted to get up and run away... but i also didn't want her to stop. i felt like i couldn't turn my attention anywhere else but her. i listened intently to every single little word, feeling it weigh heavier and heavier on my heart. i picked out specific verses that i related to and i have decided that i need to stop feeling pity. i need to feel repentance for my actions. i need to be convicted.



i have sinned over and over and over again and God still loves me. He still welcomes me back and tells me im beautiful and He loves me. and that is the most amazing thing about Him. i decided its time to take action and change my life. i am soooo eager to know Him. i am sooo desperate to be near Him. i want to live my life for Him, and not because i want anything in return, but because He loves me and wants me near Him. i want to tell my friends about Him and i want to just be around Him. i have this crazy crush-like feeling about Him. He's all i think about and i can't wait until the next time i hear from Him. its like this romantic friend love that has been there all along and i just wasnt't ready for our relationship. thanks to my friend Theresa, i know Him again, i hear Him, i feel Him. i am so eager to be close to Him and have the wisdom she and my new friends have. i want to know Him like they do and be able to speak about Him like they do and pray to Him like they do. sometimes when she speaks to me, its like He is speaking through her saying the things He wants me to hear. this feeling is so crazy. i just can't wait to see what lies ahead and all He has in store for me...

so Theresa and i decided on a new pact. rings. no not like Lindsey lohan and her lez lover, friendship promise virgin rings. we are going to buy each other a ring and we are going to wear them as a promise to ourselves and to God that we will remain pure until the covenant of marriage. i need to get healthy and if i am going to seek Him fully, i have to change A LOT of things. the rings are a start, along with no partying... i can still go out and have a good time. but a sober good time. those of you that know me realize this won't be difficult because i can still dance and be the life of the party totally sober. wish me luck!

prayer request this week... let the Spirit pour out unto me ten-fold. i want to hear Him and feel Him and seek Him in all that i am and all that i do.